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How to Embrace You (the real you.)

How to Embrace You (the real you.)

I always had this idea or vision of the type of woman I would be someday.

 

I could picture her perfectly: ethereal, graceful, dressed in a flowing linen dress, probably walking barefoot through a field. Completely at peace, calm, angelic in nature.

Every aspect of life was meticulously attended to: a home smelling of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies and a house full of children whom I gently nurtured. 

However, a moment of self-reckoning forced me to confront a harsh reality: I am not that woman.

And if I’m really honest with myself, it’s not even the woman I want to be.

More than that, I was so tired of living with the shame and discomfort that came from never measuring up to some weird standard either myself or society had placed on me. 

My innate person is actually a little bit clumsy, a lot scrappy, and a cook out of necessity. I hate to be barefoot; I’m patient and kind, but I can also be fierce and stubborn. 

It took me a long time to realize that that person—my inherent nature and who I am naturally—is the very best version of myself, and it’s that version that I wanted to expound upon.

Only then could I begin to bask in my real life and create a life that aligns with who I am and what I want.  


As someone who has journeyed through the labyrinth of perfectionism and idealism, I've come to realize the importance of discerning my true identity amidst the clamor of societal expectations. 

By clarifying our values and identifying imaginary version of ourselves that don’t match up to our truest selves, we can be more present and live more authentically. We all know how tough it is to shake off those old habits and ideas of who we're supposed to be.

It’s that attachment to who we think we should be that works against us living in alignment and at peace. 


And let's not forget the pressure from all around us—to do this, buy that, or be this.

It's like everyone's got an opinion on what we should be doing. So, how do we start untangling it all and let go?"

  1. **Embrace Imperfection:** Release the need to conform to an idealized version of yourself. Embrace your flaws, quirks, and imperfections as integral parts of your unique identity. Remember, it's okay to be a work in progress.

Start by creating a list of your personality traits—things you like about yourself, things you notice, and things other people say about you. Ask your friends or kids, ‘What do you think of when you think of me? ‘ Their answers will surprise you, trust me! 

It can feel silly, but it will help you get a clear picture of who you really are.

  1. **Define Your Values:** Take time to reflect on what truly matters to you. Identify the values that resonate deeply with your soul—whether it's authenticity, compassion, creativity, or connection. These values will serve as your compass, guiding your decisions and actions. 
  1. **Set Boundaries:** Learn to say no to commitments and obligations that do not align with your values or nourish your well-being. Setting boundaries is not selfish; it's an act of self-care and self-respect.

Saying no can help you feel happier and more fulfilled.

But first, you need to change how you think about it. 

We've often been taught to say yes, be nice, be good, do what we’re asked, and be polite.

It’s no wonder we reach perimenopause and feel exhausted and anxious. Constantly saying yes can leave us feeling tired, stressed, and put upon. It's time to change that mindset.

Here are some simple tips to help you say no when something doesn't fit your goals:

 

1. Take Your Time: Instead of saying yes right away, tell the person you'll get back to them soon. This allows you to consider whether it's something you want to do.

2. Be Clear: Consider it a no if it's not a definite yes. Then, say no clearly and confidently. You don't need to apologize or give a long explanation. Simply let it hang. Embrace the power of saying no and prioritize your own needs. You'll be surprised at how good it feels to put yourself first.

3. Practice Self-Compassion: Cultivate a kind and gentle attitude toward yourself. Beating yourself up for perceived shortcomings only perpetuates feelings of inadequacy. Instead, practice self-compassion by treating yourself with the kindness and understanding you would offer a friend.

4. Engage in Self-Discovery: Invest time and energy into activities that allow you to explore your interests, passions, and talents. Whether it's journaling, painting, hiking, or dancing, prioritize activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.

5. Surround Yourself with Support: Surround yourself with people who uplift and empower you. Cultivate relationships with friends, family members, or mentors who accept you for who you are and encourage your growth and authenticity.

6. Celebrate Your Wins: Acknowledge and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small. Celebrating your wins reinforces a positive self-image and builds confidence in your ability to live authentically.


    Remember, the journey toward authenticity is not always easy, but it is immensely rewarding. By embracing your true self and aligning your life with your values and desires, you can cultivate a sense of fulfillment and purpose that transcends societal expectations. So, take the first step toward crafting a life that truly reflects who you are—you deserve it.


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